Deciding

Often, it seems like I’m most motivated to create my art when I’m sitting at my desk job during the day.  There are a few reasons for this.  One would be that at my desk, I am still.  Between spurts of work I have time to think and when I think, I think about art. 

At my desk job, it is desirable to fantasize about an alternate life and an alternate means of income. 

At my desk job it is easy to make the plan but also easy not to do the work.  In other words, I can get high on the thought and trick myself into thinking that I’ve gotten further ahead in making my dream a reality without putting in the time and the work.  It’s a cheat for sure, but sometimes I can’t help myself. 

At my desk job, I often feel like I’m putting in the hours simply to make the money that is necessary to support my family.  I would rather make less money put more time toward my art work and experience success, perhaps on a smaller monetary scale, but on a much, much larger gratifying scale.

This post and this blog are part of my decision making process.  The decision to inch closer to that place I want to be but most important, to put in the work to make it viable, 

I sometimes get discouraged by what I perceive as a long road ahead, but I don’t know why I let this get me hung up because if the road is pleasurable, does the distance matter?  There is no doubt I could make the journey shorter by leaving my day job and dedicating my time to art.  The scary thing is facing when I get to that tipping point where I am confident enough to give up a sure thing for a dream.  What is true is that before I can even consider that, I have to keep working at my art despite how tired I feel or how discouraged I get.  I need to know and demonstrate my own potential so that I can fall back into the cushion of my confidence when I have moments of terror once I decide to abandon the safer shores and go for it.

Are any of you experiencing this push/pull dynamic between what you feel you have to responsibly do to make a living and what you want to do to make a living?

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Deciding

Artists unite...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s